


A Haunting Prospect

by keelywolfe



Series: by any other name [84]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Antwan (OC), Established Relationship, Fluff, Haunted Houses, Humor, Jeff/Andy (OC), M/M, Mild Gore, Spicyhoney - Freeform, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Undertale Monsters on the Surface, papcest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 23:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keelywolfe/pseuds/keelywolfe
Summary: It's almost Halloween! Getting scared is tradition, right? Right??





	A Haunting Prospect

**Author's Note:**

> I tagged this for mild gore, but remember, it's all fake blood in haunted houses. ^_^

* * *

“we’re gonna be late," Stretch moaned. He was pushing on the dashboard as though he thought he could somehow speed the car up by will alone.

“We will not be late,” Edge said calmly. The speedometer didn’t waver one digit above the posted speed limit. “We said we would meet at eight and it will be eight when we get there.”

Stretch didn’t seem to have a reasonable argument for that and settled for flopping back in his seat, pouting silently. It didn’t keep him from taking Edge’s hand when he settled it on his knee, twining their fingers together. 

The stream of cars ahead of them suddenly slowed their progress, all turning into the same lot, and the triumphant ‘I told you so’ look on Stretch’s face only faltered as they turned into the parking lot at 7:59.

“On time,” Edge announced, without a hint of smugness. Not that Stretch was fooled by that and his glare said as much. 

“barely,” Stretch mumbled. His sulk evaporated as soon as he got out of the car, bouncing on his toes impatiently as Edge took care to lock it before rounding the trunk to join him. His husband’s excitement was hard to resist, even with his own reluctance making his steps drag. He let Stretch grab his hand, pulling him along. 

The building loomed before them, the mock broken windows flashing with fake lightning and screams echoing both inside and out. The entrance was surrounded with a Gothic metal gate and spindly dead tree limbs dangled to catch at the clothes of any passersby. A sign hung on the side of the building, the letters dripping down in a false bloody smear, welcoming them to ‘Lucifer’s Asylum’.

Edge took in the entire atmosphere with distaste. “Tell me again why we’re here?”

“‘cause andy wanted to go!” Stretch said cheerfully. He took in the atmosphere with delight and it was probably too much to hope that he wasn’t taking mental notes for his own Halloween display. “plus, this haunted house won all kinds of awards, it’s supposed to be one of the scariest in the state.”

“I fail to see how that explains you two wanting to come.”

“it’s halloween!” Stretch said stubbornly. “getting scared is tradition.”

Edge hummed thoughtfully. “Be that as it may, I’d like to state for the record that no matter how scared you are, I’m not sleeping with the lights on tonight.”

“you won’t need to,” Stretch sniffed, even as he startled when one of the bowing tree branches caught at his shoulder. He stepped away from it, ignoring Edge’s pointed look. “it’s all for fun and what, is a bunch of skeletons supposed to scare me? i don’t think so, might even be distant relations.”

No, of course he wouldn’t be frightened at all. Not in the slightest. Edge mentally prepared himself for whatever was to come, saying lightly, “So long as none of them steal your heart away, I’m sure it will be fine.”

The line at the entrance went down the side of the building and into the parking lot, shuffling slowly along. The bulk of them were teenagers and young adults, playing on their phones as they stood around shivering in the cold in costumes that didn’t cover nearly as much as they should. They took their place at the end of the line, Stretch immediately imitating the others by pulling out his phone. He took pictures of the buildings, his thumbs moving rapidly over the screen as he posted them to one social media site or another.

“Hey, awesome costume!” One of the other patrons said as he walked past, pausing to giving them a thumbs up. He was with a young woman and the pair of them were wearing a great deal of black clothing and white makeup, interspersed with dripping trails of red.

“thanks,” Stretch grinned. He waggled his fingers, letting the bones click together, then let his eye lights snuff, only to relight them with a flare. Show off. “been working on it all my life.”

“Wow!” His companion leaned into Edge, who stiffened, forcibly keeping still as her eyes roved over him curiously. “That’s so realistic, how did you animate it?”

“Magic,” Edge said shortly.

They both laughed amicably, drawing away enough for Edge to relax. “Trade secret, got it.”

They moved on, headed to the back of the line, chatting excitedly. Edge slipped an arm around Stretch, pulling him in a touch closer, away from the Humans on either side of them who were disinterestedly continuing with their shuffle to the entrance. Stretch leaned against him, letting Edge keep him close. 

“you okay?” Stretch murmured, too low for anyone else to hear. “i mean, we don’t have to go in—"

He squeezed Stretch gently, sliding a hand into the back pocket of his jeans. They might not have an ass to grab, but it made for a convenient temporary leash of sorts. “I’m fine, love, they didn’t mean any harm. Considering where we are, I’d think we’re honestly safer than normal.”

“probably,” Stretch agreed. “for once, we’re the norm.”

They watched as a group of ‘skeletons’ headed towards the back of the line. Stretch waved energetically and they waved back, one of the shorter ones yelling, “Skeleton power!”

“solidarity!” Stretch called back, grinning as they hooted and laughed. 

The line was long, but it went quickly enough. Stretch texted Jeff as they got closer to the front. “they already got their tickets, they’re only waiting for us. if we’d gotten here earlier…”

“They wouldn’t be waiting for us if they’d come on time,” Edge said calmly. He stepped up the kiosk but before Edge could purchase their tickets from the masked person at the counter, he heard a shout from behind. He turned, automatically keeping Stretch behind him.

“Hey, you two,” a human Male called to them. He ran up, almost panting, and grabbed Edge by the arm, attempting to pull him along. Edge didn’t move, hardly rocking on his feet as the human gave another impatient tug. “Come on, man, you’re already late!”

“I beg your pardon,” Edge said coolly.

“we are?” Stretch leaned against Edge’s back, peering over his shoulder. “late for what?”

“You were in at seven today,” the Human said, heavy with exasperation, “Come on, Lisa is waiting for her break.”

Behind Edge, Stretch started giggling madly. “well, i mean, if lisa is waiting, we better hurry.”

“No,” Edge told him sternly before turning back to the Human, “I assure you, we don’t work here.”

The Human only sighed tiredly, “Look, we talked about this before. Everyone gets paid at the end of the night, if I pay early people duck out on me.”

Stretch slipped under Edge’s restraining arm, dodging his attempted grab easily, “and that’s a sound business practice, but, look, this isn’t a costume so much as an ongoing life choice.” With one hand he raked up his sweatshirt to show his midsection, or lack thereof, exposing his spine and ribs. When the Human only stared, dumbfounded, Stretch pushed a hand into his ribcage and waggled his fingers, singing out, “tada! no bones about it, pal. or well, actually nothing but bones.”

There was a muffled shriek behind them. All the Humans close by were staring and many others leaning out from their place in line to goggle at the suddenly very real skeleton before them. Edge sighed inwardly. Perhaps it was a good thing Jeff worked in public relations.

The Man who’d been trying to employ them stared, a bright, ruddy flush crawling up his neck to his face as he sputtered, “Oh. Oh!! Oh, god, you’re Monsters! I am so sorry, I didn’t mean, I thought—well, you know what I thought. Look you can go through free, I didn’t mean to insult you.”

“You didn’t,” Edge assured him. “We know we’re skeletons.”

He laughed, uncertainly, but it gained in volume as Stretch laughed along with him. He let his sweatshirt drop back down, shivering a little as it fell back into place. “hey, it’s cool. it’s no skin off my back, yeah?” They walked through the turnstile as the Man laughed again, a little harder this time, and Edge firmly pushed Stretch forward even as he called, “glad i could tickle your funny bone!”

They turned a corner and close to the entrance, Jeff and Antwan were standing together, tickets in their gloved hands.

“Hey! What took you guys so long?” Antwan groused. His coat was buttoned up to the top, a scarf wound around his neck. Jeff was bundled into his own jacket, but he was wearing a headband with a jaunty pair of devil’s horns on them. 

Stretch let out a long-suffering sigh. “we woulda been here sooner, but someone had to take a shower so he’d be sure to be the prettiest.”

“I’m always the prettiest,” Edge said blandly, even as Jeff snickered. Hm, he also had a tail pinned to the back of his coat, velvety and red, and the spaded end was making a fair attempt at tangling with his feet. 

“won’t get an argument from me,” Stretch said cheerily, “plus, i almost got a new job, but edge wasn’t going for it.”

“I already have enough work to do and I’m sure he rethought it after he heard your stand-up routine,” Edge told him dryly, “Jeff, you might want to let your team know there may be some pictures and video on the internet of a skeleton pulling his shirt off.”

“it wasn’t off!”

Jeff blinked, glancing between them and seeming to decide if there was any stripping being done then Stretch was the culprit; a wise conclusion. “Yeah, okay. Um. Why were you stripping? If you want to hit that venue, we’re on the wrong side of town.”

“it was totally a misunderstanding!” Stretch sulked, but it turned quickly into a leer. “besides, whose gonna complain about seeing these sexy bones?”

“Certainly not me,” Edge said, “but it’s a view I prefer to keep to myself.”

Stretch ran his tongue lightly over his teeth and Edge had to resist the urge to try to catch it with his own. “awww. jealous, babe?”

“Intensely,” Edge said, deadpan.

“don’t you worry, you’re the only one for me,” Stretch cooed. “my skele-one.”

Edge caught hold of him again, reeling him in close as they handed their tickets to a bored-looking Human at the door. Or perhaps it was the zombie costume, zombies did have a kind of an aura of eternal boredom surrounding them. “The Humans don’t know to appreciate the view anyway. Try to keep your shirt on inside, I’d hate for you to catch the socket of any of the skeletons here.”

Stretch laughed, snuggling in close. “yeah, yeah. okay, now! let’s do this thing.”

The very first room was made up to look like a kitchen, the so-called blood-splattered chef booming laughter as he stirred a huge pot that seemed to be boiling with the heads of his victims. Sickening, perhaps, but not frightening. Edge could easily see the seams in the plastic skulls, smell the chemical odor of the fake blood.

Next to him, Stretch made a small noise, squirming loose to loop his arms around Edge’s shoulders from behind, clutching almost hard enough to choke him.

“Are you all right?” Edge murmured.

“yeah,” he breathed. “yeah, that’s just…i’m fine.” But he didn’t loosen his grip, crammed up tight against Edge’s back, forcing them to shuffle along together. 

The next room was of a child’s birthday party, bloody streamers hanging and balloons that flickered to show skulls within them. A sinister clown stood holding a knife over a cake that resembled a severed Human head. Edge ground his teeth; again, he didn’t find it frightening, but instead even more distasteful. The clown cackled, waving the knife at them in offering as they moved past.

In front of Edge, Jeff was cringing against Antwan as well, his face mostly buried into his side, only peeking out occasionally to take in their gory surroundings. Antwan glanced back to meet Edge’s gaze through the darkness, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes. Edge more than agreed with the sentiment; neither Jeff nor Stretch enjoyed being scared, why in the name of all the stars had they wanted to come here? It hardly mattered now because here they were and all they could do was get through it. 

The next room was made up to look like a butcher shop, with various limbs hanging from hooks and the walls grimy with fake blood. The meat cooler displayed its grim wares, feet and hands, coils of rubbery intestines and with every step further into the room, Stretch clung to him tighter, practically crawling up his back. 

“Love, I do need to breathe,” Edge coughed out. The arm around his cervical vertebrae loosened fractionally, but Stretch was shaking so hard his bones were clacking like castanets. Perhaps they should see that Human again about getting paid, Edge thought wryly, surely they were adding to the local ambiance. 

The sudden roar of a motor came from behind them, a figure lurching out from the shadows with a squealing chainsaw. Obviously a costume, the chainsaw didn’t even have a chain, but in the split second it took Edge to see that, Stretch was already screaming.

Edge abruptly found himself off his feet, lifted in Stretch’s arms as he whirled around and shoved Edge between him and the ‘maniac’. He was barely on his boots again, reorienting with the actor in front of him rather than behind, when the chainsaw was lifted threateningly and suddenly the world was blurring, the heat of the room dissipating into the cold of the outside as they were pulled through the void into the parking lot.

He barely had a chance to jerk away from Stretch, hunching over and gagging. He managed to keep from vomiting through the sheer determination not to humiliate himself in a place where curious Humans were walking past, some blatantly staring.

Swallowing back his nausea, he turned to see Stretch standing close by, his eye lights miserably downcast and his hands twisting together. Bright orange was burning high in his cheek bones and he was the very picture of embarrassed misery. 

“babe, i am so sorry,” he started unhappily, “i just reacted, i didn’t mean to—” The sound that strangled out of Edge made him pause, blinking, “um. are you okay?” 

The noise continued, despite Edge’s efforts to choke it back. It was either give in or break, and Edge finally burst out laughing. Harder than he ever had in his entire life, doubling over with it and finally Edge stumbled down to sit on the crumbling pavement, his head hanging down between his updrawn knees as he struggled to breathe between guffaws. 

“You—" Edge rasped out, still laughing helplessly between gasps, “you just—“

“yeah, i just.” Stretch’s mouth twitched into a smile. “sorry about that.”

“You picked me up!” Edge choked out. Tears were stinging his sockets, verging on overflowing. “What was your plan, to throw me at him?”

“don’t think i had a plan,” Stretch admitted, shuffling his untied shoes. “hey, it’s a sign of my love!”

“that you’re willing to sacrifice me to chainsaw destruction is a sign of love?”

“okay, not that part. the whole letting you protect me thing!”

“Oh, really.” The laughter was finally easing, though Edge was still panting, trying to catch his breath. “And how does shortcutting us outside fit with that?”

“fuck if i know, i'm making up the bullshit as i go.” Stretch flopped down to sit down next to him in a scatter of gravel, gingerly leaning against him. It was as much an apology as his soft words, “i really am sorry.”

Edge slid an arm around him and pulled him closer, hugging him tightly as he pressed a kiss to the top of his skull. “No harm done, love.”

But the memory of Stretch screaming and shoving him towards the chainsaw maniac was going to linger fondly. If ever his brother chose to be running surveillance, Edge prayed to the Angel that tonight was that night. 

“Hey!” They both looked up to see Jeff and Antwan heading towards them. Jeff broke into a run, skidding to a stop with a skitter of gravel. “You guys okay?”

“yeah,” Stretch sighed, shaking his head ruefully, “sorry about the quick exit. the chainsaw guy okay?”

“Um, well,” Jeff scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, he’s fine.”

“He was laughing so hard he had to sit down,” Antwan said bluntly. “He was rolling on the floor when we left.”

“oh,” Stretch mumbled, renewed orange rising in his cheekbones. “well. that’s good. i guess.”

“Less paperwork than if he was traumatized,” Jeff agreed. His grin was lopsided and warm. “Hey, so the orchard next door has cider and donuts, if you want to stop over.” Typical of him, an offering for a new venue that would help ease Stretch’s embarrassment.

“Of course,” Edge said firmly, before Stretch could say a word of protest. He was still faintly nauseous, but a walk in the cool air would help. By the time they had their donuts and cider, he was feeling better and they sat outside together in the chilly night, Stretch snuggled in close to Edge as he munched on his donut, freely laughing at Jeff’s description of how the actor reacted to his victims suddenly vanishing in front of him. 

Edge wasn’t as fond of sweets as Stretch, but he ate the cinnamon spicy donut, drank his cup of steaming cider and listened to his love’s laughter, hardly tinged any longer with embarrassment. Even if the evening didn’t turn out like Stretch hoped, to see that he was still enjoying himself, laughing with his friends, brought joy to Edge’s soul, a deep, swelling love that warmed him from within. 

He didn’t even protest that night at bedtime when Stretch left on the closet light.

-finis-


End file.
